The BEST thing about being in ministry? Watching God show up and change hearts and situations!
After all, that is why ministry exists! He calls all of us as His children to reach out and share the Good News. We love hearing these stories, and we believe you will, too. We hope they will bless you, as well as be a sweet reminder to know that "For nothing will be impossible for God."
When Vanessa expressed her vision of a blended family ministry, I was so excited for her, and I knew God was going to bless her vision because He planted the seed in her heart. Vanessa had shared with me that she and her husband Scott would be teaching a class that focused on blended families at our church and my immediate thought was, “Come on Jesus!!!!”.
There are plenty of ministries on marriage, singleness, and even overcoming divorces, but I rarely hear about ministries that focus on blended families. Though I am single, Vanessa encouraged me to attend their blended family class because she knows I have a desire to be married someday. I have children, and I realize my future spouse could possibly have children which means I would one day have a blended family of my own.
The blended family class was absolutely amazing and profound! Scott and Vanessa were very transparent about their experiences and challenges of having a blended family of their own. They shared the downfalls and dark periods that they had to face and how they overcame some of their most difficult times. They allowed open discussions which made the class setting comfortable and created a connection that showed us that we are not alone and there is no “perfect” family. We discussed unity, communication, forgiveness, letting go of resentment, and self evaluation. My past relationship was extremely toxic and for a long time the enemy had me believe that I was unlovable and that marriage was not for me because I have too much baggage.
Attending Scott and Vanessa’s blended family class reminded me through their testimony that God blesses blended families and has grace for all of us despite our past relationships. He can bring two families together and create a powerhouse if we keep Him first. I highly recommend taking this class whether you are married, engaged, or single. Scott and Vanessa’s teaching gets to the core of those things and thoughts that you may be too shameful to bring to the surface. They remind you that with God all things are possible and because of His love and grace we can let go of those past things because He is doing a new thing.
Going through a divorce
and starting over can be and most often is, one of the scariest and most heart wrenching experiences in anyone’s life. At times you feel like a complete failure and all alone. You’re not sure how you are going to rebuild your life or know even where to start. I know that’s how I felt during and after my divorce. At the same time that I was praying to God for help and asking for answers, Scott and Vanessa began building their BKF ministry. Little did I know that God was going to answer my prayers through them.
I had the privilege of attending Scott and Vanessa’s first session of Blending Families class at Gateway Church in the fall of 2019. Although there were many helpful take-aways from their class, I would like to share with you the one that impacted me the most.
During that time, I was feeling overwhelmed with anger and resentment towards my ex-spouse. I was praying and praying for God to remove these feelings from me and for Him to put His peace within me, but He wasn’t answering me. That is until Scott and Vanessa’s second class, when the Holy Spirit came over me as they began to discuss praying for your ex-spouse. I had never thought about praying for my ex-spouse, but it was obvious that’s what the Holy Spirit wanted me to do.
Once the class had finished, I stayed after to tell Scott and Vanessa what I had felt and get their advice. They were very receptive to what I was going through and confirmed what I thought the Holy Spirit was telling me to do. Vanessa told me “it may feel weird at first but it’s hard to be angry or resentful towards someone or something that you are praying over.” Their advice made a lot of sense, so I figured why not give it a shot.
I began praying for my ex-spouse that night and within a week God had finally answered my prayers. All the anger and resentment I had been feeling a week prior, was gone. God had removed it and put a peace within me that is still within me today. I continue to pray for my ex-spouse and genuinely ask God to bless her life. I will be forever grateful for the advice and the things Scott and Vanessa have done for me.
And if you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you yours sins.
Divorce is hard no matter what.
Bring little people in the mix and there is a jumble of mixed emotions tearing you limb from limb. As a father or mother trying to do what’s best in your heart for the little ones you created, we have to remember, God has a plan for all of us. Sometimes it’s exactly the way we dreamed of when we were little. But for some of us, it is finding true love in your mid to late thirties and starting over. It's no easy task blending two separate foundations to form one solid foundation.
It isn’t always easy, especially if you don’t like change. As a couple, we welcome change and believe that it has to be your first attitude towards blending a family. However, we also know that being able to maintain balance, order, and where to place your love is where it gets hard.
In our journey, we found Blended Kingdom Families to be exactly what we needed! We took a short 4 week class with Scott and Vanessa, and by the end of the first class we started realizing that our blended family was going to be one of the most difficult fights of our life, but one that is worthy of every ounce of our energy.
What we gained in those 4 weeks we can never repay. Scott and Vanessa are doing something amazing outside the norm for folks who don’t have the support that they need.
Check out Blended Kingdom Families! As a parent, grandparent, friend or loved one, you will learn what you need to know when starting a blended family. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to drive you crazy.
BKF has helped us change how we see ourselves, each other, our foundation, where the cracks are and where they aren't They didn’t tell us what we were doing wrong. Instead they guided us to make the decisions best for our family. They helped us get out of our comfort zone, and that was scary at first, but it was also uplifting. It gave us a sense of freedom, and that’s a good thing.
They won’t force you to blend their way. They will support you to blend your way through faith, family and love. We can promise you that every single second of it is worth it, because you will come closer to God. You come closer as a couple and your little people grow leaps and bounds by learning to follow Gods word and loving as he does.
Blended Kingdom Families is exactly what it says. If you or anyone you know needs a support system to date... this is where they will find it.
In Creating our double blended family, we had a vision of the way we wanted to handle things from how to encourage our daughters spiritually, handling issues with our exes, and how to balance our marital relationship. You know that saying, “If you want to hear God laugh show Him your plans?” Well, we certainly gave Him a good laugh. Once reality set in and we were dealing with being a blended family across three states and our marriage was split between two continents, (courtesy of the Army) we lost sight of our vision.
When Scott and I discovered Blended Kingdom Families, we were back to being half a world apart which led so easily into us not co-parenting or having those much needed martial conversations. As we started filling out the survey to participate in the BKF Project it was like a light bulb went off in our heads. All of the things we weren’t doing that we had planned to do, well we hadn’t even realized that we had let them slip to the side, but when you’re asked to rate your consistency on a scale, it hits you in the face.
Filling out the survey to participate in the BKF project had led to so many (overdue) conversations. We decided we each needed to binge on the BKF Podcast to see where else our marital and parental relationships could grow. Listening to other Christians in a blended family talk about God’s grace and navigating blended-life areas where we had struggled helped us feel like we were finally seen and understood. So many churches we visited over the years had groups for single, divorced, and traditional parents, but we hadn’t found one that spoke to the extra layer of frustration and difficulty of being a blended family. The honesty of Vanessa and Scott in where they’ve struggled and how they’ve walked through those moments is refreshing and makes it so much easier to relate.
In the months since we started following BKF, we’ve had several big issues come up with our previous spouses regarding our daughters and I’ve found myself going back to podcasts to revisit the words and advice. Scott and I have talked differently when addressing issues with our kiddos. We’ve worked on being more intentional in our communication with each other both as a couple and as parents.
Listening/watching the podcasts and seeing all of the encouraging posts on social media have given us back a feeling of acceptance and community. Even though we are still the minority relationship in our church, I no longer feel like I have to walk on eggshells and apologize to others for being a blended family.
BKF has made us both feel supported and also helped us start navigating the areas we had been avoiding. To say that BKF has made an impact in our marriage, co-parenting, and communicating with exes would be an understatement.
If God has impacted your marriage and blended family through BKF, we'd love to share your story and give hope and encouragement to those who may be struggling in their blended family.
“Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you.” And he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city how much Jesus had done for him.